Feeling bereft, like joyful words on a tshirt have lost their luster.
I felt so much the love between calum and sophie in their touch and the scenes of them together but how displaced it is from them in the real world, that when sophie tries to bridge that gap (wishing him happy bday or karaoke) he withers and cannot hide his complete shame and sadness, that when calum still sees sophie as a little girl but she starts to grow into a teen he wants her to continue to confide in him but what can he really give in return, except to teach her to protect, things of physical realm, like a father does? how a father never asks, only gives, and only in this earthly way, financially or physically.
There are times when i think how come calum cant hold on, for sophie — but he has no other sense of home, even the holiday is itself a performance in which he can only play the role of joyous father. In that regard its the best gift he thinks he can give, to hide his pain and to play the ruse, despite the shock it will cause sophie later as she rewinds old footage to see how she missed the signs. I think of how much we ask of vulnerability but also don’t want it, not really, we wish it weren’t there at all and if we do see it we want to solve and rid of it quickly.